Yes, that's me. Clumsy, incapable, inefficient, and disorganized. And sometimes frustrated too.
I can't escape the evidence. It is everywhere. Crowded kitchen drawers. Cluttered counter top and tables. Desks piled up with papers, books, and stuff. Disorganized bookshelves and closets. Floors and sofas invaded by toys. Not to mention the messy garage and backyard. It has been like that for a long time, but it is bothering me more than ever before. Maybe because now I am home with the children 24/7 so that home is not only a place that we gather after work and school. It is also the children's classroom, library, play room, battle field, and my office and break room.
Actually, I cannot think of anything that I'm good at about homemaking. I'm not a good cook, neither an efficient one. I cannot sew beyond sewing buttons. I cannot knit or crochet. I don't know much about crafts or interior decoration. I'm not good at gardening (just started doing a tiny bit of gardening this spring). Well, visits to friends' house have often confirmed my inferior feeling about my home management skills. Were I interviewed for a homemaker position, I would most likely be deemed as "disqualified" at the first round.
Maybe my mother was indeed right that I am no good at anything domestic. A Chinese proverb goes like this, "Skillful mothers, clumsy daughters." That was my mom and me. With nimble hands, mother had sewed most of my sister's and my clothes for our elementary years; she had knitted most of our sweaters; and she had made pillow cases embroidered with beautiful flowers and birds. My ineptness must have become so annoying to mother that she lost patience teaching me. The casual and not so casual comments my mother made toward my clumsiness made a long lasting impression on me.
I am not putting the blame on my mother for my utter lacking in the home management department. Before I got married, or rather, before I became a Christian, I actually looked down at those domestic skills. "Women hold up half the sky" ("妇女能顶半边天" ) was what I was taught at school. At home, although not exempted from chores, academic excellence was my parents' number one goal and expectation for me. A classmate (from high school or college) who probably didn't know me well had once commented that I would be a good future wife and mother. Guess what? I considered that an insult not a compliment--I was NOT going to be just a housewife! Freshmen year in college, finally freed from the heavy load of school works, most of the girls in my dorm were eagerly learning to knit or crochet scarfs or sweaters. I never tried. I even teased a good friend for spending several sleepless nights knitting a sweater for her boyfriend. Oh, how arrogant and foolish I was!
Considering my reaction to my classmate's comment years ago, it's humorous that being a good wife and mother has long become my desire. Not only that, "being a helpmate to one's husband and being an instructor to one's children" ("相夫教子" ), something that I used to despise, has become my career too. Then came the discrepancy between my desire and the reality of my weakness and lacking. What to do? One helpful interview tip advises the job seeker to honestly acknowledge one's lack of skills in certain areas if that's the case and in the mean time to emphasize one's willingness and ability to learn new things quickly. So, this clumsy and frustrated homemaker will have some on-the-job training (or rather self-training) to do, with sure willingness and unsure ability.
