War and Peace

No, it's not about the classic novel by Leo Tolstoy. It's about the intermittent "war" between my two boys and the much needed peace in our home.

Bickering and fighting between siblings is as old as human history. I know it firsthand from the quarrels between my sister and I as we grew up, but was unprepared by the intensity of fights between my boys.  Especially now they are home with me 24/7, it has become really vexing, making me want to run away.

Fighting over things tangible (toys, books, or snacks) or intangible (attention, love, or praise) is quite understandable. But they compete for everything, yes, everything, even silly things, such as who gets to wash their hands first before meal, who gets to put their feet into the water first when washing their feet, or whose piece of pie is bigger, or who has more kernels of pop corn in his plate. Really? What's the point??? I don't remember ever competing over foolish things like that with my sister. Is this a boy thing (again)?

Their joyous rough play this minute can and often do turn into physical fight the next minute. It's either one chasing the other with both screaming at the top of their lungs, or both tumbling down on the floor wrestling using every member of their bodies. I'm learning to let it go sometimes (for my own sanity) if nothing life threatening is going to happen. Well, one time when James was rather irritated by Daniel's teasing, he stormed into the kitchen, drew out a small knife form the knife block, and held it high over his head puffing with anger. Much alarmed by Daniel's cry "Mom, James is getting a knife!", I ran to the scene, took the knife away, and sternly scolded James. My husband and I had always considered our younger son to be the gentler and calmer one, and only recently found out that it may not be so, at least not with his brother. Maybe he knows that he is no match for big brother in strength or speed, so he has to resort to extreme measures to win?

Knowing that sustainable peace between the brothers could be hard to reach, I try to find some positives from their ongoing "war". One thing that I have to commend them is that despite their daily fights they never hold a grudge against each other. One minute they are fighting like they were real enemies who cannot stand each other, the next minute (OK, 10 minutes later) they are as close as can be, laughing or conspiring on some mischievousness.

Recently I often hear this in their bedtime prayers: "God, please help me not to fight with James/Daniel." or "Dear God, please help me not to fight that much." =)  My prayer is that they shall learn to seek peace and live together in unity.